Chupke Chupke...Shhhh..

 I am ridden with this constant question in my head - what happened after we walked out of the shop? I cannot imagine even a single second of what happened after that and how I put my son in danger - the accident , followed by trauma that he had to go through, that might be with him through his life.  Am I a terrible mother? A question I ask often these days because of this, and my logical brain says,  "Ofcourse you are not bad!", but am sure this is a  question that will haunt me. Did I do enough to protect him? Was I careful while riding? Was it my fault? What could I have done to make sure  he was okay? I will never get able to get over this. Guilt tripping is the worst trip to go on! I hope eventually logical brain will take over and my love for the kiddo can justify that I cannot go back in time and change anything anyway!  Happy Reading! 

  "I thought you were dead" , my son said, recollecting how he felt post our accident and when i was being carried to the hospital - all of which he witnessed in person, full of fear and worry that the most terrible thing happened to his mother. These words, no matter how hard they are to hear, it was important for him to let me know how he felt. Behind all the brave face he put for everyone else, I needed to hear my son's actual emotion seeing me lifeless for a while. For the last week that I had been back home, he continued to stick to his father, shows up a lot of maturity and growth in the 3 weeks that I missed being his mother - during this time, I was 1 week out in Malaysia for work and 1 week in hospital and 1 week at home - as a patient! We are slowly getting back to the routine of being ourselves. Somethings we cannot get back to how it was anymore. We both have just changed. I don't cuddle him as much as I used to. I let him be, except when I need him to get...

 Last Saturday, while I was happily out shopping with my 8 year old son, I met with an accident. Well, atleast that's how I remember it. I am told it happened on our way back home on the 2 wheeler and we fell off on the side of the road. I had no memory of what had happened, except that I woke up in a hospital after 3-4 days with stiches on my face, plaster on my arm and bruises on my legs. Son ended up gaining my ultimate love by being safe and  demonstrating extreme maturity in responding to my phone ringing and reaching out for help and getting family around at the hospital. God bless the child.  I felt terribly disappointed the first 2 days that this was breaking my success streak and all the great work I had been doing so far. Thankfully I have folks around me who do a reality check and quickly shut my negative mind down. I would blame all that on the heavy blood loss due to accident, plus the blood loss due to an ill-timed period that landed on time, in the midst of...