My Father-in-law was not the typical FIL who was distant and would not interact with his daughter-in-law. Well, initially he was like that and then he warmed up to my presence and opened up to me. Over the last few years, as we spent a lot of time together, as we were all living in the same home, he became my close friend, mentor, guide and my biggest cheerleader.
He was born in Shimoga, grew up in Amrutur with his aunt, started his family in Sagara and eventually retired into Bangalore. 80+ years, he has had the most enviable life. Don't mistake it for a rosy life or a life with no issues or problems! He was one among 11 - 6 boys and 5 girls. He was the 2nd child and as his mother had more children, she needed help raising the kids and so she reached out to her sister in law to take care of him in Amruthur - a farmland. He grew up under the care of his aunt and love from his cousins, who were all girls. He would eat fresh food from the abundance of the farm and also drink milk sourced from his backyard and thick curd made out it was heavenly. The taste of the food there probably lingered on for many many years and I dont think anyone would have matched it in his lifetime. That is the power of childhood nostalgia. He would reminiscence the instance when he was taken back to Shimoga and he fell ill and his aunt had to be summoned to take him back to Amruthur after which he immediately recovered. Such for his love for his Athai.
When it was time to return to his parents in Shimoga, he was welcomed by some more younger faces who were unsure about who he was. His younger brothers were strangers to him. As he grew up, again, it was time to move out to Bangalore to study and he was holed up in a house with 10+ other cousins and relatives who were there for similar reasons. Kumara Park was another special place for him - he had a cousin come in with food for the contingent and the unlimited puris they used to treat themselves to thanks to some of the older cousins who had started working by then.
Briefly, he joined his cousin Annapurna at Vidhan Soudha as an assistant and in 2 months realized it was not his cup of coffee(he never drank tea!). He was summoned by his father to take care of the theatre in Sagara and off he went, absconding from work until he was reprimanded by his cousin. He promptly resigned and never looked back at being employed by someone else. His energy and his enthusiasm was apt for running his own business. So he ran the theatre for a while, managed all the schedules, checks, worked around the processes where needed, and a one man show when needed from issuing tickets to running the reels(pre-instagram era). Then due to an issue with the rented property, he moved on to run a small video hall, then ran multiple businesses over the next few years, and towards the end, the latest in trend - elecronics shop. In parallel to this story-line, he got married and brought home a city-bred tamilian into a remote Sagar village. He was a handsome young man and she was the prettiest girl in town and they made a perfect couple. The next few years, he spent shutting between Sagar, Shimoga and Bangalore for work, family and everything else. He would keep running around relentlessly, never even giving out a sigh! He took up responsibilities with ease and never made it look difficult to anyone. His sons were his world. While he would not tell them he loved him, he showered them with the best facilities he could provide, educated them and made them who they are today. Looking back, both the sons know how selfless he was and how he always had their back, no matter what happened.
Through the years, some things never changed - Waking up at 6am, walk until 7am, coffee at home, "lunch" by 9.30am, coffee by 2.30pm and dinner by 8pm. He ran his schedule on the clock. He would go to bed by 9pm. This habit helped his older grandson also stick to an early-to bed schedule. As soon as he knew he'd have a grandchild, he closed his home in Sagara and moved to Bengaluru with his son. Those 11 years, his schedule was synced with that of his grandson. Picking him up from school by scooter, picking up from the school bus, taking him for football class or anywhere else!
He got to travel to the US to meet his younger son. A trip that he was so excited for. The first time in his life going to a foreign land, experiencing new things, using his passport for the first time ! He ofcourse could not stay there for long due to the cold and the inability to move around by scooter. But he did experience a lot of new things during his stay there.
I could go on and on about him and his life, stories he would share on Saturday mornings as I would sit with my tea. That day alone, the phone would be kept down, tv turned off and enthusiastically he would share all his life stories with me. Some stories, I have heard multiple times and yet I have heard it like it was the first time because he was that passionate about the experience. I have a lot more stories that I will keep updating this post with as and when I get time - my husband wanted to write a book, while this is not a book, I am starting off on documenting his interesting life!
I want to remember him as that majestic person who would never sit down to pause; who was always on the run; who would enjoy food and experiences like a child; who had everyone's back; would always take care of his wife's needs as she grew older; who would sit on the apartment bench with his senior friends and go for by-two coffee and snack with them; who would pick up the scooter and get things done. I want to always remember him as someone who had his share of ups and downs , but never gave up and never once sighed and remained positive in outlook for everyone else. He was warm sunshine. Thats how I would like to remember him.
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