When did things change ?

So, I had to travel to Pune to meet my team. This was a trip that I had planned on my own. I was not forced to go there. Infact if I hadn't gone there, nothing would have changed. No one would have missed me. And yet, I found myself worrying about travelling. The packing, commute to the airport, the wait and the actual flying. Everything gives me anxiety. I am 40+ years old. I have nothing to actually worry about. I am smart, I know how to navigate uncertainities(to some extent) and I have money now. Then I sat to think about when I was younger. At 21, I had my first international trip to Germany for work. It was my first time flying alone and that too to a foreign country. I had to transit via Dubai, reach a land where I did not speak their language, get to my serviced apartment and figure out everything in that city. I did not know cooking, I did not know what to expect and most importantly, times were way too different back then - we did not have smart phones nor access to internet on-demand. We had to rely on wifi router in room or in the office, a laptop and sometimes a printout to navigate through the city. I found myself very calm and unbothered even in such situations. I have had to travel to Germany with a 12 hour heads up once. I did not even think about it. Went home to a packed bag, a transport arranged by my parents and forex and tickets arranged by office. All i had to do was take the cab and head to the airport. Infact I have even made a friend at an airport once, kept in touch with her and went to visit her in a small town near Stuttgart as well. I navigated from Munich to Paris and then to Montparnasse with just print outs of the names of these places, a map and a how-to ask for ticket in Paris. The same was done when I returned from Montparnasse to Paris - I had a paper with Eiffel Tower written on it - to show to the cab driver. I have travelled around Malaysia on my own, again with instructions downloaded and printed out. The same in Japan to navigate to the nearest library, 2 kms away. Now, I have a smart phone, I have a power bank, I have money that I can spend, I know how to navigate through any situation, and yet I find myself worrying about travel. Maybe because now I have a home that I need to plan for when I am not around. I cannot travel anywhere just at the drop of a hat, I have read way too much news about delayed flights and have also been inconvinienced by one too many. At this point, I want to teleport myself to places because I love visiting new places, meeting people and trying out new experiences. This Pune trip that started this reminiscing was a massive success. From 8 am to 11pm I had the best time in a long time. I am a people person and meeting people I like energizes me like nothing else can. I don't do drugs or drink, so I get high with conversations! I do intend to do better with myself and be more relaxed with travel and eventually plan out more travels in future. Until then, Happy Reading !